At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
