Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
