If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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