While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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