We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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