Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
