Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize