I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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