apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
