I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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