but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
