I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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