4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Welp...herpes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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