I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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