i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
