is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize