I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
