hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
