Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
