You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
