I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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