Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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