girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she told me i tasted like america
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
