Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
