This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
