I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
