All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
