I'm really into asian looking animals
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
