turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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