just come out here and I will go home with you...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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