She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
