I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
