My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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