I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
