Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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