We're facebook friends in real life
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
