My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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