I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
