Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
