theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
