Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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