let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
