Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
