It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
