They should really pass out barf bags in church
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
