she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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