i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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