so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
