I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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