Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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