No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
