He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
