you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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