I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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