Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize