ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
