after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
