I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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