I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
