He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
