Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
