I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
