So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
