Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
