Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
