I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
