dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
