I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
