he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
