the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
