You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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