I wish they made helmets for livers.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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