Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
