The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the liver wants what the liver wants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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